This is a story about my dizziness or vertigo, whichever a "dizzy" prefers to call it. LOL My name is Kathy and I am a Host for The Better Health Network on AOL. I host Dizziness & Vertigo Chat on Sunday nights from 9 p.m. until 10 p.m. The way I got to where I am now is a story I never thought I would be willing to tell anyone as I thought I was the only one like me and also thought I was bonafide nutso on top of that.

You see, there are thousands of people out there just like me with varying symptoms which is something I found out because of being a member of AOL. But this was something I didn't know back in 1992 when all this started. In May of 1992, my husband had a devastating accident on the job, which cost him the sight in his left eye. He was only 35 years old at the time and a master carpenter, but all that was taken from him without any inquiry from his preference to that at all. On top of the loss of his eyesight in the eye, our insurance company denied our claim and we got stuck with thousands and thousands of dollars in medical bills. Needless to say, the stress was overwhelming and we almost lost everything we had. Then in June, I woke up one morning with the room spinning violently. I woke my husband and told him I was dizzy and he soothed me back to sleep. For the next couple of days, I remember feeling off balance, but nothing that kept me from doing my daily routine so I just ignored the feeling figuring it would pass.

Then one day I was at work and felt as if I would pass out. I sat down really quick, put my head between my knees and the spinning stopped, but I still felt as if I were on a boat and went home from work early that day. I never returned after that but not because I didn't want to, but because I just couldn't. The world had taken on a constant motion for me. The attacks started soon after that. The room would spin like the fastest ride at a carnival you've ever been on. This would last along with nausea and vomiting for 2 - 3 hours at a time. But no doctors could find any reason for this. All my tests came back negative but I still felt the constant motion and sickness. It was 6 months of pure hell. My life had been taken away from me and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. My poor husband had to deal with his eyesight loss in his eye alone because I was just too sick to even consider feeling anything for anyone else besides my spinning world.

I can remember contemplating suicide. I was after all only 31 years old and had a major education that I couldn't use. I had to watch my husband kill himself working 2 and 3 jobs to support us. Then he would have to come home and cook and clean and do laundry on top of that because all I could do was sit on the couch and watch him. It was awful. I didn't think I would ever get to the point I am now. But I did.

Eventually, I guess I adjusted to the motion I feel in my head all the time. We were offered an on site maintenance position at an apartment complex and decided to take it. That was when I decided I would try to hide the way I was feeling every day from my family and friends. I did this for 4 years. But it got to be too much and I had to come clean with them. Then the depression hit me. I couldn't hold a job, couldn't drive, couldn't do this or that too. I was at an all time low and one night just lost my mind completely and flipped out on my husband. Punching walls, the furniture, yelling. He called my Mother who found a phone number to call for help. They told her about VEDA a vestibular web site. I found this on the web and eventually found the Dizziness and Vertigo area. The relief at finding so many others like me was wonderful! I cried and found new friends that actually understood me and confirmed my illness for me. You see, to the naked eye, we "dizzies" look fine on the outside, but on the inside we are unbalanced and in constant motion. This illness is devastating to the self-esteem and plays with one's sanity. Until you find others like yourself, you really begin to wonder if the doctor's are right in telling you that maybe you are imagining it.

Now, I still have the motion and dizziness, but being a host and helping others like myself has helped me so much. I hope that 1999 is the year the medical profession finds a cure for us all or even something to make it easier for us. In the meantime, I'll continue to enjoy what I do. Gives me a purpose. :)